I cannot even begin

to describe the way things are over here. As most of you know, our little fam joined a mission organization and we are relocating to the exotic midwest, to immerse ourselves in several countries within our great country, to continue down the rabbit hole of working with Muslim African refugees, to be changed into people who care more about our neighbors than we do a 401k, to live in community with other Christians who have been doing this a lot longer than we and have and who have not let the seeds of bitterness take root, we are going because we ourselves are the mission field, we need Jesus so much to pull us out of this morass of the pursuit of happiness, which has come at a great cost to all of us.

 

In our other not-online lives, we have spent the past month living with my parents, having coffee and dinner and drinks with so many of our beautiful and beloved friends, church family, real-and-true blood family. My grandparents came up for a week, which was good and sorrowful, both of them in poor health, my grandma unable to find so many of the words she wanted to use. Saying goodbye was very, very hard. My sister and her husband and baby are coming today, and we will all be in the house together, a ramshackle mess of love and expectation and laughter and loss.

 

We have been working, in our own weird ways, to raise financial support so we can live this life we are being called to, and it has been kicking my butt in so many ways. The vulnerability of this position has not been lost on me, and it has been a struggle to communicate what we are doing, to ask for help, to be a gracious recipient. We are currently at around 30% support, but we are leaving in a week anyways. I have no idea what is going to happen, and I am not lying when I say this one is rather the least of my worries right now.

 

I signed a book contract yesterday, with a lovely new publishing company (more on that later). They gave me a year to write a book, and this also is contributing to my vision of the great blank canvas that is life after next week, a life in which everything has changed.

 

The next few days are filled with goodbyes, which can drive even the most devout to drink ( . . . coffee, of course). Saying goodbye to friends and family has already loomed large, but I am also saying goodbye to the people I thought were my ministry all along but who turned out to be some of my very best friends.

 

A week from today I will be driving with my sister across the country (the husband and the baby will be flying–with my mom along for the ride as well). Our transmission is acting funny. The check engine light is on.

 

So there it is, in a nutshell. I have had dreams about tidal waves/tsunamis over taking me for the past several nights and I just looked it up on the internets (so it must be true). According to several websites these types of dreams means that I have a lot of emotions that I am pushing to the side, and that I am on the brink of a big life change.

 

Um, yeah. You could describe my life like that. I can feel the tsunami coming.

I am just not ready to face it quite yet.

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6 thoughts on “I cannot even begin

  1. congrats and blessings and sweet, deep shalom. God’s got you, and you got this. can’t wait to hear more. <3

  2. Oh, congratulations on your book! We’re going to need more details on that, pronto. Praying for you often. xo

  3. amber@mercyrising says:

    Glad you are doing this crazy kingdom life thing. Prayers.

  4. pam says:

    Wow. Lots and lots of life change for you guys. And, it is hard to do it all with a little one in tow. My aunt and uncle did a lot of work with refugees in the Chicago area. It’s amazing to me that there are so many cultural pockets in the US that are relatively isolated and unreached. God Bless you guys as you go on this adventure. Congratulations on the book too. It sounds like an amazing opportunity. Can’t wait to hear more about it. :)

  5. Sending prayers your way as you relocate and wait on God’s provision.

    We moved to Columbus a year ago, and I sort of dreaded it. We have been pleasantly surprised, and God continues to defy our expectations and plans. Columbus isn’t Portland, but it has been a good place for us to grow, learn, and stretch our faith!

  6. thanks all! the enthusiasm/support in these strange days goes farther than you know.

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