marriage is work

When I got engaged, my mom was worried about me. I was so stoic, chin up, accepting congratulations with a quiet dignity. No hysterics, fussiness, wild delusions of bliss for me, no. My mom took me aside and asked if I really, actually did want to be married. I was shocked. What sort of question was that? I knew I was supposed to marry this boy, no matter what. That was obvious. But did I want to?

Mom, I said, marriage is hard. Like, really hard. It’s a lot of work. It’s probably the most difficult thing I will ever do in my life.

I had no illusions of the lovey-dovey years: all I could see was two sinners, sharpening each other for all eternity. Romantic, right?

My mom nodded her head, a little smile creeping up her face. 

I got married, in love and grimly determined to roll up my sleeves at the enormous amount of work that a successful relationship takes.



Six years in, and I am having the time of my life. We get to have adventures, snuggle, and make ridiculous jokes together. We share a common vision about God’s dream for the world, and we are trying to live it out together. We are best friends, tag-teamers, baby wrasslers, each other’s point of sanity and mirth.

We know the absolute worst and best parts of each other, and I wish I could go back 7 years and tell my serious little self: the good far outweighs the bad. 




I have been surprised, in every way, just by how fun it has been to be married, to this one particular boy.




Here’s to another year (and decades more) of fun, adventure, crazy-times, growth, silliness, and joy.

And to work that never, ever actually feels like work.





Happy anniversary, dude.





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12 thoughts on “marriage is work

  1. Lilian says:

    Congratulations on your anniversary!

  2. I love the thought “work that never feels like work” 🙂 I can completely concur. Happy anniversary.

  3. dianeemiller says:

    Beautiful!… Happy Anniversary!! I so believe in your work & your writing. And, obviously, from the last couple of posts, your parents modeled very well.. another beautiful thing to be very thankful for, as heritage is huge in character & marriage formation

  4. Anette says:

    Thank you for sharing. There are SO MANY articles on how incredibly difficult marriage is and I have basically taken on the same exact sentiment that you did. I will NOT be disillusioned by this lovey-dovey stuff! Marriage is going to be H-A-R-D! I don’t have any prospects right now, but even when I think about it happening, I get all tense and wonder if I am really up to the task. This gives me hope that the good will outweigh the difficult.

  5. Tres Johnson says:

    congratulations, you guys. this post really blessed me:)

  6. Sweet! So glad that worked out for you!! :>) (and you will work at some point, I promise. But even that will be so worth it.)

  7. fiona lynne says:

    Happy Anniversary! I love this 🙂

  8. Misty Wright says:

    Happy Happy Anniversary you 2 have a splendid day ! Love you

  9. Ashley Powell says:

    So beautifully put, Danielle! Congratulations!

  10. ccpruett says:

    Ahhh- this is so refreshing. Thank you, and happy anniversary!


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