a list. because I am in a weird mood, and it is Thursday*.
Signs Your Neighborhood Might be Gentrifying
1. Ethnic restaurants crop up by the dozens; however, no ethnic people appear to be eating there.
2. The nearest Redbox is consistently out of any Aronofsky, Anderson, or Lynch films. Tyler Perry for days, though.
3. Sometimes, there are books other than religious tracks marketed towards children inside that one Little Free Library.
4. Your garage door gets vandalized with an aggressively optimistic Oprah quote.
5. Your neighborhood hosts a block party and everyone brings veggie pasta salad.
6. The ice cream truck/narcotics man goes out of business. Instead, a man on a bike tries sell you butternut squash soup out of his attached trailer.
7. Donut inflation becomes a serious, crippling issue.
8. Blonde-haired children strapped to their father’s bosoms are suddenly everywhere. Especially on Saturdays, waiting in line for an vaguely ethnic-sounding brunch spot.
9. A neighbor offers unsolicited mulching advice and invites you to join his guerrilla gardening squad.
10. All the poor people move out.
*don’t worry, I won’t give up my day job to start writing comedic pieces.